


Nighttime Blues

by Irhaboggles



Category: Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Comfort, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Lovers, Nightmares, References to Depression, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25165330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irhaboggles/pseuds/Irhaboggles
Summary: Every night, Marni is bombarded with little bouts of anxiety. Every night, Mag sits patiently and quietly by her side and they wait for the sunrise. Together. And then, even when Marni is gone, she still manages to return the favor to Mag even 17 years later.
Relationships: Blind Mag | Magdalene Defoe/Marni Wallace
Comments: 5
Kudos: 3
Collections: 🌈Love is love is love is





	Nighttime Blues

"Marni? Are you alright?" Mag treaded hesitantly down the stairs, peeking over the banister into the kitchen where a single light remained on. Marni was sitting at the table, motionless, head in her hands. The moment she heard Mag, however, she looked up immediately.

"Maggie! What are you doing up?" she gasped, sounding embarrassed at being caught looking like this.

"I woke up to use the bathroom only to realize that you weren't there and I got worried," Mag replied, the concern on her face deepening as she continued to walk down the stairs, getting a closer look at Marni's face. It was full of distress and despair. Mag's stomach jolted in worry at once.

"Marni? What's wrong?" even though her voice remained as soft as ever, there was a new note of urgency and fear in it now.

"Nothing, nothing. Nothing's wrong," Marni shook her head, trying to clear her face of its previous expression, but it was too late.

"Marni. I have Cornea Plus eyes now," Mag reminded her friend gently.

"Ah. Right," Marni's shoulders slumped. So, there was no use trying to hide it then, was there?

"Please, tell me what's wrong," Mag begged gently, finally taking a seat across the table from her best friend. There was another moment of silence between the pair as Marni continued to hold her tongue, but after long enough, she decided that just a little explanation wouldn't hurt…

But as it seemed to always go with Mag, a little explanation suddenly became a huge confession. Without even meaning to, Marni wound up pouring her heart and soul out to the other woman.

"And I confess, it's been getting worse. Almost every single night now, it seems, I wind up thinking about all this crap and I don't know what to do about it," Marni finally admitted, unable to look at Mag any longer. She turned her gaze down to the table as she wrung her hands embarrassedly.

"It's not depression, it's not anxiety, but it's not normal either. What is it, Maggie? What the heck is wrong with me?"

And there it was. Mag was no psychiatrist, but she couldn't help but think that Marni's "condition" was almost like seasonal depression, but on a nightly scale rather than a seasonal one. From all that she had said, Marni basically suffered from little bouts of depression and anxiety each night, no matter how good or bad the preceding day. Seemingly out of nowhere, every night, she would just be struck by so much pain and misery that sleep sometimes became impossible because all she could do was dwell on every problem in the universe. And the harder she tried to distract herself to break out of this mindset, the more persistent the pain became. Her typical solution was just to wait it out because she always felt better once the sun started coming up, and it didn't matter how painful the night became, the sunlight always made it better.

So that was why Marni was sitting in the kitchen alone. She was waiting for sunrise.

"Oh, Marni," Maggie got up and walked around the table to embrace Marni from behind. She had no words of comfort, but she still wanted to show her best friend that she was there to help and support. She was able to convey all that through the hug and she felt Marni sighing into her.

"I just hate being like this, Maggie, and I'm sorry you had to see me in one of these down times," she whispered as she held Mag's arms close. "I do thank you for letting me vent, though. I'm still really… distressed… but I feel just a tad bit better just knowing that you're here with me…"

"No, don't apologize for being vulnerable," Mag whispered back. "It's very strong and brave of you to be. And this is what friends are for. So any time these nighttime blues start giving you trouble, do you think you could come to me and let me just wait it out with you?"

"But I don't want to disturb you," Marni pulled out of Mag's arms to turn around and face her.

"I'd be more disturbed knowing I left you alone like this when I could've helped," Mag replied gently.

"But-" Marni tried again to protest, but Mag only cut her off with a gentle kiss, and just like the hug before it, that said more than words ever could.

A few hours later, sunrise had arrived. As Marni looked out the window to see the first golden rays peaking up over the horizon, her shoulders instantly relaxed, as if on reflex. Immediately, the stress seemed to literally slide right off of her and the transformation was stunning. Mag hadn't been aware of how tense Marni was until it all went away. Suddenly, the woman was totally relaxed, smiling towards the eastern sky. It was almost like magic, the effect the sun had on Marni. Even just seeing the first rays instantly soothed her churning stomach and pounding heart. Mag could only watch in awe, deciding then and there to help Marni through these nighttime blues no matter how small Marni thought they were.

And Mag made good on that vow, setting small alarms for herself at the time when she knew Marni was most likely to be alone and pacing. It was also easier than it sounded, especially if Mag managed to align her circadian rhythm with Marni's worst aching hours. Sometimes, Mag was unable to comfort Marni, but always by the following sunrise, Marni would be beyond grateful for the effort.

"These nighttime blues are still a huge problem for me, but thanks to you, they seem a little less terrible," Marni admitted after one particularly rough night. Just like always, Mag sat beside her, but no amount of comfort did anything except make it worse. Marni even began shaking and needed a moment alone before being willing to return to Mag's side. And even then, all she could do was sit there in silence, refusing to let Mag even speak or hum to her, let alone try to comfort her.

But with the return of the sun, Marni's gratitude and relief also came back, and she made certain that Mag knew just how loved she was. But Mag simply brushed it off, just like always.

"I'm just happy to help," she said bashfully.

"Well, you've done more than you could ever know," Marni promised gently, and there finally came a time when she wasn't just speaking her thanks to Mag. Instead, she finally began to sing it too. It was a song she'd composed over the course of several days and nights, but it still took her a while to complete it. And it was inspired by all that Mag had done for her.

"If there ever comes a time when _you_ have the nighttime blues, I want you to have a little bit of me to help you out as well," Marni said as held out a little piece of music. It was titled "Chase the Morning".

"Oh, Marni… Thank you…" Mag instantly began to well up at the gesture while Marni smiled on lovingly.

"It's what it feels like, trying to escape the nighttime blues and survive until sunrise. It feels like needing to chase the morning. But with you at my side, even though I'm still chasing that morning, it's no longer as hard or lonely or miserable. So now I want you to be able to do it too, if you should ever need. Chase the morning with me, and we will live to see the sunrise together. I promise…"

And little did Marni know just how important that song would soon become to Mag. In a little under a year, Marni would pass away in labor, taking the child with her. And her husband would become a recluse, leaving Mag all alone in the world. All she had left was a recording of Marni's song for her, and she began to listen to it every single night. At first, it was merely to help her cope with the loss, but even after nearly 17 years went by, Mag still listened to it on loop almost each night. Now it was her turn to be afflicted with the nighttime blues. Even if they weren't about Marni, nothing but dread, misery and helplessness would haunt Mag's sleeping hours and they would become her aching hours.

Too scared and stressed to sleep, the young woman would find herself in the very same position Marni used to be in: sitting alone at the kitchen table and struggling to keep it together, too overwhelmed to even cry. She could only sit there, recording going off as she desperately attempted to hold on to the one hope she had of getting through each miserable night. It was so frustrating and humiliating to be aware of this problem, and yet powerless to fix it. Instead, she could only listen to Marni's song and hope…

"You said to chase the morning," Mag whispered to herself, eyes shut as she tried to envision Marni sitting across the table from her just like she'd done for Marni 17 years ago. "You said that was how you got through each night. What it felt like. Chasing the morning. An active pursuit of the sun. An active escape from the night. But it's just so hard, Marni, and I don't even want to move, let alone run. I don't want to hate the night. But what other choice do I have? I feel like I have to keep going, and it's scary, and that scares me too.

"But god, I wish you were here. I need a running partner. Someone to help me survive the night and live long enough to see another sunrise. You said that's part of why you were so grateful to have had me. Even if I could do nothing to help, just having me around made the journey less long and lonely. So where are you now? Please, come back to me. I need a partner too. I need someone to help me finish this race and get through another sleepless night…"

But just like always, there was no answer. Only silence. And a recording.

"Chase the morning! Yield for nothing!"

_Keep running, keep going, keep fighting. Just hold out. Hold out if you can._

It wasn't about winning or conquering. It was just survival. Getting through another night. Living long enough to see another sunrise.

"And I will, Marni, I promise," Mag finally sighed. "As much as I may complain, I know I'll make it out ok. And you'll be with me too, I know. We'll get out of here as a team, and then we will be able to watch the sunrise, _together_. We will outlast these nighttime blues yet, I know it!"

_Chase the morning! Yield for nothing! Chase the morning!_

**Author's Note:**

> AN: IDK how scientific "nighttime blues" are, but I have bouts of them and they're just the worst. No matter how good or bad the day went, suddenly the night opens up old wounds and creates new ones, turning every bad thought I've ever had against me and it's a hot mess until morning when, just as soon as they come, they all vanish in the face of the sunrise.
> 
> Does anyone else have it? It's weird and annoying AF.


End file.
